What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 10:15
She married twice! .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was very sick at this time too.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Is it recommended to leave a note in a lost wallet asking for it to be returned?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
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So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Is it okay for a wife who comes home from a date to tell her husband what she did?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My life is so biszare .
Do leftists understand why young men are becoming more right-wing?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
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The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
What happens psychologically to a man the first time he gets penetrated anally?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Put me off passion for life!!
Would this be the day?
Why do some guys treat girls so badly?
I think the readers, may guess!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
What kind of person makes you think "how come there are people like that"?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
What is the meaning of xx in texting?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
What does it mean when we dream about demons, ghosts, monsters, etc.?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why are so many young teenage boys misogynistic? Where do they get these attitudes from?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I never cut or harmed myself..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was seconnd youngest,
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
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He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We were not on the streets..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im still living with it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Comes on , in middle age.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It was going to be , some day.
She loved him until the end.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I don,t even have a pension.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One cannot live in the past .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why did i forgive my father ?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
When she asked me how she looked .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But it wasn’t much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So whats the point in blame.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
This is soul school!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He resisted the act ,that day.
But, we were locked up after school.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I will be 64.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I said to her
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
So, i spoilt her more .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And i lived it daily.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He knew the spot.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She wouldn,t have been !
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
All the time i was locked up.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was scared of men, in general
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I could never make a relationship work though!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We all went to grammer schools
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She found it foreign!.
I was 9 years of age.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I waited trembling.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My family never makes their pension either.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
What did i know ?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Was to survive, this bastard.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I have no regrets .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Ive learnt so much.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I write beautiful poetry .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She was in good health!